(sleeping while the baby sleeps) mom with a blog
Ever since my adolescent years, I have been a huge fan and advocate of sleep. In high school, I would look forward to an afternoon nap and sleeping in on weekends. In college, my love of sleep and napping grew stronger. When my roommate and I would have the expected late nights, we would make sure we caught up on our sleep the next day. We even crafted our own creative “do not disturb” signs for our siestas on the white board that hung from our dorm room door. Post-college working life and motherhood did not change my feelings towards sleep. I now just have to be a little more creative with when I find time to get it.
My sleep habits have often left me to be the butt of jokes amongst my friends. When I was working and would have a day off, a common welcome back question would sarcastically be, “Did you have a nice nap yesterday?” I am often tagged in sleep memes and jokes on Facebook, such as, “I like big naps, and I cannot lie” and “The 30-day napping challenge: Are you up for it?”. My relationship with sleep has never been a secret.
The connotation of someone who enjoys and indulges in sleep is that they are lazy. I have often felt ashamed to fess up to nap-taking, especially now as a stay-at-home mom. Since I am no longer “working” (don’t even get me started!), I feel guilty to admit to my husband and my working friends that I was able to nap on a given day. Everyone knows moms of young children struggle to get enough sleep. Infant feeding schedules, chasing toddlers and completing household chores can leave little time to catch some shut-eye. It is almost expected that moms be sleep-deprived. It is commonplace to find moms of young children comparing how little sleep they got the night before. In fact, it is seen as a badge of honor of sorts – less sleep equals harder working.
As someone who loves and desperately needs sleep to function, I have to disagree with this way of thinking. Early on I realized running on little to no sleep would not work for me, so I found a way to supplement the lack of nighttime rest. However cliché, if I am tired, I do sleep when my children are sleeping. I know this is easier said than done. There is always laundry to do, toys to be put away and rooms to be vacuumed. To me, those things can wait because I prioritize my sleep.
Sleep is a natural function that is necessary for a healthy, productive and happy life. Sleep replenishes physical strength, spiritual energy and emotional immunity to face the day ahead. I have always believed that everything seems and feels worse without sleep. Emotions are more raw and decisions are more difficult to make. I have found that sleep allows my mind and body to “regenerate” to its full potential.
If I do not have enough sleep, I am not the mom or person I want to be. I am irritable and have less patience. I do not accomplish things that I need to do. I do not feel well physically, and I am generally unhappy.
On the contrary, when I am well-rested I feel good and have a more positive outlook on life. I have more patience to handle the expected challenges of motherhood. Daily tasks seem more manageable and I have the motivation and productivity level to get the important things done. For me, sleep is an integral part of self-care.
We’ve heard a lot in the media recently about different ways society chooses to shame people. It is often talked about that we are shamed for the size and shape of our body or certain choices we make in life. No one talks about sleep-shaming, but it definitely exists, however subtle it may be. Let’s stop mocking and instead start to value and encourage better sleep habits.
Sure, my house is not the cleanest on the block. I am never caught up with the laundry. My windows cannot star in a Windex commercial. Yes, my “to-do” list will always have things on it, but I make an effort to get the sleep I need to be my best self. If everyone was well-rested (children, mommies and politicians alike) I am sure the world, and our homes, would be better and happier places.
[This post has also been published on The Huffington Post, Sammiches & Psych Meds and The TODAY Parenting Team.]
(lifelong learner) mom with a blog
“If we truly listen, our children will always surprise us with the depth of their innocent wisdom that has not yet been shaped by years of life experiences. Keep your ears and your mind open.”
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
This past weekend my second article for Babble was published. This one is called, “10 Things My Daughter With Special Needs Has Taught Me About Life”.
The title is pretty much self-explanatory. This is a piece discussing ten things that my sweet girl has taught me over the past five and a half years. Of course, I knew that I would learn a lot becoming a mother. Parenting is a learning experience, right? What I did not realize was that my children would teach me so many poignant and important lessons about life.
I hope you enjoy reading this piece as much as I enjoyed writing it. ♥
(LOL-ing) mom with a blog
So, I recently started playing around with memes and gifs. I have had an idea for one for a while that I just didn’t know how to put together. Well, I finally figured it out, and I’m pretty proud of myself. 🙂
Below is my first ever veme! I think it’s pretty funny. LOL. If you like it, please check it out on my Facebook page! Thanks!
(advocate) mom with a blog
Five and a half years ago we were blessed with a little bundle of joy on the morning of Christmas Eve. Our daughter, Evalyn, came into the world as an early Christmas gift for us. She was born with a serious congenital heart defect and struggled after birth. Although we knew about her diagnosis during my pregnancy, we were still not prepared to watch her be whisked away to the NICU and transferred after only a few hours to a Cardiac Intensive Care Unit at a children’s hospital over an hour away.
The first weeks of Evalyn’s life were spent in the hospital and filled with medical challenges and procedures. She had her first open heart surgery at only seven weeks old, and finally at nine weeks we were able to bring her home. Due to her rough start in life, it was evident from very early on that she was delayed in meeting her developmental milestones. She began working with early intervention at only five months old. This is what it means to be a special needs parent.
The subsequent weeks, months and years have led to more diagnoses, more medical procedures, and hours of therapies. As time went on the degree of Evalyn’s developmental delays became more clear. She did not crawl until 19 months and did not walk until 30 months. At two and a half years old she was only able to say a few single words. Over the past three years she has come so far. Although she continues to make great progress each day, she is still significantly delayed compared to her peers in all areas. This is what it means to be a special needs parent.
Those weeks, months and years have also shown us the amazing little girl that we have. She is smart, funny and has an enthusiasm for life that is infectious. There are so many things that make her the person that she is – her kind heart, her quirky interests, her love of people, her smile. We have watched her grow from an adorable infant into an incredible little person, and we are so lucky to have her in our lives. She has taught us so much about strength and love, and has made our lives and our hearts fuller. This is what it means to be a special needs parent.
We are now facing a new challenge as we prepare for the transition to Kindergarten in the fall. As Evalyn is getting older, we are finding what an emotional process it is to try to show the world all her strengths that we see everyday. I know what it’s like to sit through seemingly endless meetings and feel the disappointment and heartbreak after hearing all the things your child can’t do. I know the frustration of having told your story over and over, and still feeling like no one hears you. I know how it feels to be fueled with determination to do whatever it takes to get the best for your child. This is what it means to be a special needs parent.
Evalyn, and every child with special needs, is so much more than what you see on paper. My daughter is not an IEP. She is not a diagnosis. She is not a percentile ranking. You have to look past all the evaluations and test scores and labels to truly know her. It is so difficult as a parent to see how so many people are unable or refuse to do this. As her mom, I will continue to do whatever I can to help the world view Evalyn as we do. No one knows her better. I will be her biggest cheerleader, her number one fan and her loudest advocate. I will not stop until everyone can truly see her. This is what it means to be a special needs parent.
[This post has also been published on The Huffington Post, Today Parenting Team and The Mighty.]
(heavy-hearted) mom with a blog
My heart is heavy today. I can’t stop thinking about the latest tragedy in Florida – the horrific and unthinkable death of a toddler who was drowned by an alligator while on a family vacation at Disney World. No. Just no.
I cannot begin to imagine the pain this family is experiencing right now. It is too hard to think about. This could have been my family. It could have been any of us.
I know that I would have let my toddler put their feet in the edge of the water at a family vacation resort. My family does this on vacation at the Jersey shore every year. Usually we set up camp on the beach where it is less crowded, often in the “no swimming zone” away from lifeguards. If we want to get our feet wet in the ocean, we do. Just our feet and ankles. We have always let our daughter do this, as well, as long as we are with her. This is exactly what this family from Nebraska was doing that night on their vacation.
There is no room for criticism here. I honestly cannot even fathom where judgement would come from. I am full of emotion about this situation, and anything other than compassion and empathy for these parents is nonexistent. That family could have been any of us. That dad could have been my husband. That mom could have been me. That baby could have been mine. No. Just no.
My thoughts are with this family. I hope that they know they are not alone and that the world is grieving right along with them. I hope that they find peace during this terribly difficult time. My heart is heavy for them today.
(not-so-super) mom with a blog
“I now feel confident in saying that what is important is this – my children are safe, they have fun, and they are loved to the moon and back. They are happy. And truly, so am I.”
♥
A few weeks ago, I had my first piece published on Parent Co called “Super Moms Are Ruining My Life”.
This essay is about the pressure that I had been putting on myself to live up to the standards of a “Super Mom”, and my realization that it is okay to let that go. I think it is important that we, as moms, remember this. It is okay to not be perfect. It is okay to mess up sometimes. It is okay to not be a “Super Mom”. Sometimes I wonder if such thing even exists or if it is just an imaginary standard that we are all holding ourselves to.
You can read my article on Parent Co here: “Super Moms Are Ruining My Life”
(budding author) mom with a blog
As promised, here is an example of one of my first creative writing stories. This one is appropriately entitled, “The Story of a Walk”. The story goes like this (exact spellings and grammar):
“I went for a walk one day. And I didn’t come home till night. And when I came home I went in my house and I aet my supper. Then I went to sleep. That night.”
This gem was written circa first grade. Obviously, at the time I was also pursuing the idea of becoming an illustrator, as evidenced by the above masterpiece.
I’m glad I kept practicing.
(special needs) mom with a blog
As you probably already know from reading this blog, our daughter will be going to kindergarten in the fall. The past few months have been spent going through the process of registering her and working with the school to find her the appropriate services and placement. It is a very intense and draining process.
After one particularly emotional day, I sat down and wrote an essay about what I was feeling. I wanted the world to know what an amazing and capable and special little girl my daughter truly is. Children cannot be defined by labels and diagnoses alone. There is so much more to them.
My piece was published on Scary Mommy this past weekend. I am really proud of this one. You can read it here.
(wishful) mom with a blog
Dear Husband,
Thank you so much for all the gifts you have given me for Mother’s Day over the past five years since our first child was born. I truly appreciate the flowers, bracelets and massage gift certificates that you have been so generous with. You are so thoughtful, and I know you always like to get me something special during this time of year but sometimes struggle with figuring out what I would like. In order to help you, I wanted to share with you my “wish list” for this Mother’s Day.
1. Sleep*. The best gift imaginable. Nothing would please me more then some uninterrupted shut-eye. “I’ll get up with the kids” are the most beautiful words I could hear at 6:00 a.m. on a weekend morning. Taking a nap alone in my bed in the middle of the afternoon would be heavenly. Having you jump up when “Mommy!” is yelled in the middle of the night = perfection.
2. An hour alone for self-grooming. Since having our second child this past fall, it is difficult to find time for myself. I would thoroughly enjoy some quiet time to do things such as, but not limited to: plucking my eyebrows, applying make-up, shaving my legs or washing my hair. I would feel like a new woman. No need for a trip to the spa.
3. An afternoon in Target by myself. The thought of aimlessly wandering throughout the store alone, sipping a Starbucks and buying things that are not on my list sounds absolutely glorious. Shopping for cleaning supplies and paper products never sounded so wonderful. Sigh…
4. Time with my girlfriends without our children. It has been too long. I nostalgically remember the days of being able to have time with my friends without all our children in tow. I would love to have some bonding time with them now that does not occur during a play date. You are a wonderful confidant and partner, but there is nothing like the benefit of true “girl time” every once in awhile.
5. Time to enjoy a good book. Besides Internet blog posts and the tickers that scroll across the bottom of the television, I haven’t really read in a long time. You know I love to read – oh, how I love to read! Getting lost in a new book (a real, honest-to-goodness, hard copy book) and escaping the responsibilities of adulting for a short time would be amazing. Please and thank you.
This is not an extensive list by any means, but merely a top five for your reference. Please note that gifting anything on this list would elevate you to “Husband of the Year” status. Remember, it’s the little things.
Much Love,
Your Wife
* Please, please, pretty please
[This post was published on The Huffington Post on May 2, 2016]
Mia Carella, Writer 